Today it has been a year exactly since my father was cremated and set free from his body and his life. I really did not think I would have an issue with today since I embraced what was happening last year. I was in a sweat lodge at this very moment a year ago, praying for his soul. Praying that he will never have to live another miserable life like the one he lived this time.
But tonight, right now I find myself in tears. I am grieving. I mean really grieving. My family thinks I am insane for being able to forgive the man that did such horrible things to us, but I cannot NOT forgive. That is not who I am. If I held on to the hurt and pain and anger, I would allow him to control me, even from his grave.
All I know is that I miss my daddy...the daddy I wish I would have had. The dream that maybe someday he would apoligize for the things he had done to us and the things he failed to do. My heart feels like it is breaking in two, over a man who tried to break me in a million pieces, and I do not understand why.
If someone has the answers, I sure wish you would tell me so I can understand what is happening.
