When Life has a growth spurt for you, it does not spare the plethora of lessons in store for you. Believe me, I know, and yet it will be something I will probably forget again because I knew it once upon a time but then I got too comfortable in my daily Life and did forget it.
I have trekked into the furthest recesses of my mind. Places I wish to never see again, and wounds I know I am stronger for having healed. I feel like an alien now though. Like I do not see the world the same as I once did. Is that a bad thing? I think not. My heart aches for my fellow man even more so now and my drive to help not only humans but animals, because they do not have a voice, is ten-fold.
The oddity of it all is that I feel so incompatible in my current life now, but I have never felt so singular in Spirit with all that surrounds me. I used to have to go to the wildlife refuge to find peace and stillness within myself and now I find it even in the midst of chaos it seems. I have worked hard on those things which bound me to my past because I refused to carry them one step further. I refused to carry those scars any longer.
As the people around me have lovingly come to me recently and expressed their concern about my "not being the same," it has brought my attention and focus back to the Now. In a sense, I guess I have been gone. I was traveling to the past traumas and coping with them and reordering them in my adult, healthy mind. All but the physical part of my body was time traveling, I suppose, and sometimes, even my body had a physical reaction to the deeply buried memories. I indeed am not the same.
I also suppose unless you have been a victim of severe trauma and have worked through it, my ramblings will not make sense to you one bit. Even the best of the professionals, and I do know some, cannot know what it is like completely unless they have fought on this battle ground. Yet that is why, I remind myself, that is why Psychology is my major and why I have a drive to succeed: I know what it is like.
I rather like the new me a little more. I seem to have more compassion, less temper. There is nothing wrong with an experience that teaches one to be humble and to lift others up. By understanding myself, I understand my world just a little more, or at least my perception of it.
I may feel contrary now, but I am certain that my Life is going exactly as it is supposed to be going. In that much, I have Faith, and all the rest...well it will work itself out.
